I guess this is hello again?

It’s been a while.

2019, 2020, and 2021 were rough years for me. Everything that could have gone wrong, did. And I honestly didn’t know how to handle it.

This blog, and reading, had always been my escape from everything and anything that was going on in my life. But at the time, nothing could help.

In the summer of 2019, during our annual trip to Scotland to visit family, my Gran unexpectedly passed away. By October, we had to say goodbye to our cat who’d been part of the family for over 15 years – which was around the time of my last post. During this time, I was finishing up my masters degree and focusing all of my energy on that. I honestly thought I was coping well with everything given the circumstances. I took a step back from reading, and my blog, to try and give myself some space. To come to terms with what had happened.

Around this time, I’d just received a permanent full time contract at work. Alongside this, I was still trying to come to terms with what had happened. I put all of my energy into my work – reading and the blog took a backseat. Along the way, I guess I kind of lost myself too.

Then the pandemic hit.

Whilst working in retail often made me want to bang my head against the wall, it also saved me during the pandemic. Being able to leave the house every day and trying to maintain a sense of normality throughout it all is something that I will always be thankful for. It didn’t come without its challenges though. What started as a 6am-2pm job quickly turned into a 4am-1pm. My shifts were all over the place and I often went weeks without a day off due to staff shortages.

I knew that something still wasn’t right and I was using work as a way to hide away from things. I started some counselling in the spring of 2020 which helped me massively. But I was quickly dealt another blow in the summer when we had to say goodbye to another family pet – our dog of 14 years.

Whenever it felt like I was taking one step forward, I got pushed all the way down to the ground again.

I used work as a coping mechanism again, never saying no, and pushing myself far too much. By early 2021, the work environment that had saved me in a way, turned toxic. I could honestly write a whole series of posts about that job and how little management cared about its staff.

The 4am starts weren’t healthy either. I was permanently exhausted, my mental health had plummetted, and I was having massive issues with anaemia and other vitamin defeciences. I tried talking to management about how I was feeling, to try and move my shifts around temporarily until I started feeling better, but I was told that it wasn’t possible and I basically had to suck it up, or quit.

Day by day, I was slowly losing myself. And I didn’t want to fall to the bottom again. So I started to make massive changes and began to reclaim things for myself again.

A lot of great things happened in 2021 too. I bought a car, we got a puppy, I met my boyfriend, and my friend had what is quite possibly the cutest baby ever. All of the good things that happened showed me that there is more to life than a sucky job, and it’s not worth jeopradising your health for it. By the end of the year, I knew I needed to leave my job.

Just when I was coming to terms with my decision, I got an email out of the blue from a company that I’d interviewed at a few months prior. Within a week of receiving that email, I got a job offer. And I’ve not looked back ever since.

I’ve been working at my new job since January, and it is singlehandedly the best decision I have ever made. And the best part of all? Since I left my old job, I’ve been reading more again, and I can finally feel pieces of the old me returning.

And that’s where this post comes into it all I guess. I don’t know where this blog fits into my life anymore, but I’m excited to find out. It’s been a long time since I even drafted a post and I have no idea where to begin. It’s like I’m just starting out again!

But after all of that waffle, I guess this is hello again?